Writing

Dearest Melissa,

I want to be very careful in this space where we write.

Only speak words that make souls stronger.

I don’t want to judge anyone for making a personal choice to undergo breast augmentation or get a Botox injection. I read this deep and rich post this week, and I feel the need to say that.

I put on make-up. I use products on my face to keep blemishes and lines away. I pluck, tweeze, and will soon be dying the ever-multiplying grey hairs on my head. I work out to keep the size of my thighs and behind respectable.

It’s no different.

I use those products, yank out/color hair, and get my sweat on to enhance what God gave me. To make myself attractive to my husband, and to make myself presentable to the world.

I think part of being a Proverbs 31 woman is enhancing what God gives us–whatever that means for you. This is a careful balance, but one, I believe, is important to share with our daughters.

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As I read Proverbs 31, I believe that in the wee hours, when that woman arises and prepares for her day, part of that time involves “prettying” herself:

She clothes herself in fine linen and purple (vs. 22), so I’m sure she took care beautifying the rest of her to go along with those lovely clothes.

The text also says her arms are strong for her tasks (vs 17).  This was before P90X or jazzercise, but she kept herself fit.

Most importantly though, her husband praises her (vs. 28). He uses his words to praise her for what she does, but I bet he also tells her what a little hottie she is too.

Beauty is fleeting (vs 30). Absolutely, that is true. But that doesn’t mean that we should overlook caring for ourselves, and enhancing what God gave us. We need to show our daughters how this is done!
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It makes me sad when I see young girls, unflatteringly, squeezing themselves into a pair of skinny jeans–you know what I’m talking about. They “muffin-top” out of the waistband and the extra skin may, or may not be covered by a skimpy tee shirt.

I had lots of dark hair on my legs until I decided that it was time to shave in the third grace. I have the scar on my shin to prove it.

Have you ever seen the beautiful mess that results in a young child smearing applying lipstick to her own face?

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The above are all well-intentioned, but misguided and undirected attempts at Beauty.

We need to be involved, and show our daughters how to enhance what God has given them. 

As mamas we must be involved in helping our daughters choose wardrobes that are stylish and flattering.

We must have an open dialogue about grooming and hygiene, and show them how to do it the right way.

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Julia and I are exploring the meaning of Beauty, intersecting Beauty with the word of God, and letting Beauty live in our lives. Inspired by a joint feeling of just not measuring up in the beauty category, we’re tackling some hard questions:

• What is Beauty? And does it reside in me?
• And when my husband says that I’m beautiful, how can I receive those words as truth in a culture that says the opposite?
• What am I going to teach my daughters about Beauty?
• And most importantly, what does the Word of God say about Beauty?

Join us as we converse about a topic that touches the heart of all women.
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Dearest Julia,
As you know, I am a first generation Christian.  No one else in my family has a personal grace filled relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.  My parents are wonderful hard-working people who reared me (an independent strong-willed know it all) to the best of their very loving ability.

But they did not know the Lord. They were not able to preach the gospel to me with lives and words.

So as a first-generation Christian, I often stumble on scripture and have no clue how it should look in practice.  Sometimes it’s a cultural problem: I don’t understand the cultural context surrounding the passage. Other times I stumble because a passage seems completely impossible to live out: I’m over come by self-condemnation.

When you wrote that you wanted to have conversations with your daughters that showed them:

I suddenly began thinking about one of those passages that I have stumbled on both culturally and with self-condemnation.  The passage that I did not want to be the one to address during this series came into a sudden focus.

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Melissa,

Oh, how your words resonated with me last week.

Truth definitely plays a game of hide and seek with me when I get into the swimming pool. And peering into the mirror in a dressing room trying on swimsuits?! Fahgetaboutit!

I often fret, Melissa, about the messages I will communicate to my daughters in those moments when I feel inadequate. The moments when truth alludes me.

My best friend growing up lived just a few doors away. We played together often. One day when I went to her house, she informed me that she was on a diet; she thought she needed to lose weight. She encouraged me to join her on this diet.

We were eight years old.

This memory stands out so vividly to me, because before that moment, I never knew there was anything wrong with me. I didn’t know to critique the size or shape of my body.

It wasn’t my friend’s fault. Her mother was constantly dieting and spoke openly about all the ways she was dissatisfied with her appearance. It was no surprise, then, that my friend followed suit, even at her young age. Her ears were assailed with that kind of talk.

I don’t want my daughters to have an experience like my friend did, hearing their mama express constant displeasure with her body.

Inevitably, my daughters, and your daughters, Melissa, will reach an awareness that they are different.

My desire and prayer for our girls is that they celebrate their differences. Delight in being daughters of The King.

How can we foster this, Melissa?

I have a few ideas. I’d love to hear your thoughts as well.

Music. My daughters love music. We listen to it often throughout the day. I’ve become very aware of the words in the music we listen to. I love the song Video by India Arie. Here are some of her great lyrics:

When I look in the mirror the only one there is me.
Every freckle on my face is where it’s supposed to be
And I know our creator didn’t make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes I’m lovin what I see

Robin Dance recently compiled a great list of other songs with the same positive message. You can read her thoughts on that topic, and see her song list here.

Images. It’s been said that a picture is worth a thousand words. I want the images in our home to reflect true women with healthy appearances, not unrealistic, Photoshopped, waif-thin models. Let’s put thought into what our daughters see in our homes and what they see us looking at and paying attention to: in magazines, on television, in books, in movies, etc.

I’ve even thought about what kinds of messages girls get from certain toys. I remember thinking, as I played with my Barbie doll as a little girl, that one day, I would look like her when I grew up–itty bitty waist, perky breasts, tiny feet. Barbie’s dimensions, if she were human would be 38-18-34. I’m not even sure that’s possible!

I love Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty! They show pictures like this:

Words. Just as we put those encouragements and reminders up for ourselves. We should also have them up for our daughters. I’m in the middle of painting an eye chart to hang in my girls’ room.

Not just written words, though, Melissa. We need to have conversations about this with our girls:

What it means to be beautiful.

Who we think is beautiful.

What it is about that individual makes them beautiful.

This is such a rich topic! I could go on and on, but will stop here for now. I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts.