It’s Wednesday here at Quiet Graces and that means today is the day where wives are digging in to the dirt in our own marriage and, with God’s grace, growing to be better wives. Today Julia is going there again. Her desire to live with her husband intentionally has her encouraging us to find ways to “ring his bell.”
So. After writing my last post, I had Salt n Pepa’s, Let’s Talk About Sex, running through my head for days.
Any day with a little Salt n Pepa is a good day, I always say.
When I set about to writing for this series, my intention was not to talk about sex, necessarily, but rather loving my husband intentionally.
Sometimes when I write things, the idea I have in my head is not at all what I end up with in the end. I was always really terrible at outlining those five paragraph essays in school.
Anyway, before I move on, a disclaimer:
Sex is an uncomfortable topic—for some. And peering into someone’s bedroom, is even more uncomfortable (sorry Mom and Dad). You should know that Brad reads these posts before they’re published, and he has full nix-the-whole-thing-right-before-it’s-due power. Several people told me they didn’t think their husbands would have been cool them putting it out there like this. Brad, rather than decoy, avoid, or make void the topic, was open to letting me talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be. We pray that this peek into our lives encourages mamas in the same weary season of life, or maybe prepares you if you’re not a mama yet.
So. On intentionality.
I don’t know that I have one love language.
I feel loved when people are intentional. We’re all busy people, right? But, when someone takes a moment to
- bring me a cup of coffee
- give me a hug
- spend time chatting with me
- create the perfect gift that they know I’ll appreciate
I feel loved. Because I know…giving is sacrifice, and people give to what they love.
Giving takes intention. It takes planning and work.
In this season of life I have come to appreciate, even more than before, the people who have poured into my life. Because it’s a choice. And when we give to someone/something it takes away from something else.
When I haven’t slept a stretch of 3+ hours in over two months, and my husband brings up that he wants some lovin’, really, that’s a wake-up call to me—after I calm down, maybe the next day or something—that I haven’t been intentional enough.
Not in the guilt-trip sorta way, but the this-is-the-man-I-love-more-than-anyone-else-on-this-planet-and-I-need-to-love-him-well kinda way.
So, yeah, Brad likes sex sometimes (so do I)—that’s one way he feels loved and connected to me. He also feels loved with words
. And when I make him lasagne. And when we watch Walking Dead
together, because zombies = love.
He really feels loved when I initiate sex/words/lasagne/zombies—just maybe not at the same time.
So, ladies. You’ve studied your man enough to know what rings his bell.
Show some love to the human you love best in all the world, in a way he best feels love.
He may never have run through an airport for you
, but he loves you by watching the kids while you work. Or by working long hours, so you can love your children at home, in yoga pants. Or by putting the daughter back to bed who needs her twisted covers straightened out at 2AM. Or by weeding your pumpkin patch. Or by making you coffee, even though he doesn’t like the way it smells. Or by putting the pacifier back in one.more.time.
I know you’re bone-weary, Mama.
So, make a plan. How will you love him intentionally today?