Nov
29
2011Rare treat: two posts in one day. But the first was actually for the last two weeks. Here’s what I’ve recorded since last Monday. A scant few… but all filled with His glory.
2672. Sticks and Pinecones
2673. Tree climbing
2674. Rock star hair
2676. First horse ride glee!
2677. Larry on his horse
2678. Sweet Carol holding Sedryn telling Derek with sass that he couldn’t have Sedryn back
2679. Laughing
2680. Sweater Vests- Seriously, how long can a boy get away with wearing a sweater vest?!
2681. Tree decorating with toddlers
2682. Eucharisteo
Nov
28
2011Disclaimer: I love my children. I think they’re fantastic and am beyond blessed to have them in my life. But the reality is that parenting children teaches you so much more about your sinful heart than you really want to admit. It all comes down to humility. Which I am not very good at.
Sedryn is upstairs screaming again. I just put him in bed after holding/nursing/burping him for nearly an hour. I’m probably going to have to stop typing right now and go put him in my Ergo Carrier.
(now that that’s done and the screaming is accompanied by clawing my collarbone and a bouncing ab workout…)
Aeralind and Bronwyn are down for their nap and I am tired. I want so badly to sleep (or do 400 other things that need to be done). But I can’t because Sedryn is so needy during these two hours.
Let me make a confession: I am probably the only newborn photographer on the planet that dislikes the entire newborn stage.
Don’t get me wrong: newborns are sweet… while they’re sleeping or when you’re cuddling a baby who doesn’t belong to you. My clients say that I’m so patient while soothing their baby to the deep sleep needed for my art; truly, I am… but it’s almost because I sort of feel sorry for them. I know what they’re going through with little sleep and barely any ability to get things done. They’ve been soothing this baby for about a week and, while they’re probably not weary yet (the honeymoon stage is nice), they’re going to be. And then comes guilt from not enjoying each moment of this new one’s life. And the potential to only have a precious scattered few memories of this new baby outside of the images I’m going to create. I take my job seriously and patiently, but I know how hard newborns are.
Newborns make us (or is it just me?) come to the end of ourselves. We can’t hide our frustration or anger or just pure discontent with little sleep and the constant-ness of that little life’s neediness. In fact, I honestly believe that by 3 weeks of life every new mother knows why a mother could shake her infant to death. It’s not the baby… it’s the sin welling up inside of us; the insidious sin of selfishness.
And I am utterly and completely selfish.
I want everything my way.
I want my girls to obey and play quietly with books or puzzles rather than smear vaseline on a pumpkin or paint each other in toothpaste while I spend 15 minutes nursing or 5 minutes changing over the laundry (their laundry!).
I want my son to speak and tell me whether he’s screaming because of gas or hunger or a dirty diaper so we can fix things and I can move on.
Move onto my to-do list of laundry, finishing a tree skirt, blogging our life for memories/record of growth, crafting some Christmas projects, unloading the dishwasher, eating something that resembles a meal, showering and, for goodness sake, is a nap or early bedtime or even 5 hours of consecutive sleep too much to ask for the 3 of them to coordinate?!
Why, yes, I am that selfish!
And while I’m too sleep deprived to hide my selfishness behind the mask of perfectionism, let me be real and say that coming to see your selfishness while quarter inch long eyelashes flutter sleepily in the crook of a weary elbow and another child wakes from a coughing fit is not easy.
I am broken.
I need a gracious Savior more than I will ever need sleep.
Because, after all, He’s the one selflessly and quietly serving (even unto death) the most selfish new-born daughter there is: me.
And yet he showers even me with countless gifts.
Counting just a few of these gifts here while my son finally sleeps sweating against my chest and my girls wake up 30 minutes early from nap (maybe I’ll get this post up this evening when it’s just me and the boy again… or maybe I’ll finish it a whole week later :-p)
#2583-2670
- 3-day weekends
- Mother/duaghter morning date out
- 3 nights sleeping from 10-1:47. woohoo!
- Husband so willing to serve me and kiddos
- little girl hugs
- Getting out of the house most mornings this week
- Mandy walking in the house as I finished nursing to gently help me clean the girls’ vaseline mess
- Being able to laught at the “Punkin” smeared with “med-sin” as they call vaseline. I thinky they were trying to heal his newly broken stem
- coversing with little girls
- Girls remembering how much fun we had at a local water park and begging to go in when we visited a park next door
- writing a little bit during newborn safety week
- learning how to kill bacteria with a cloth and water
- handstitching
- sewing hats for Sedryn
- walking thechallenging newborn raod with Sedryn
- Bronwyn unharmed after a scary plaground fall
- pumpkin smoothies
- little girls gobbling up pumpkin smoothies
- airplanes with daddy
- Swinging happy with Mrs. Joni
- new friendships through MOPS
- generously still recieving meals
- hearing Derek talk to his sister
- crashing nap wise on Saturdays
- one day wihtout Sedryn screaming for a long period of time
- Sweet mornign with Becca
- Sedryn and Becca being just the thing each needed. Cuddles for Sedryn and post-surgery heating pad for Becca
- Brady working so hard to open a toy motorcycle for Bronwyn
- comparing Daylin and Aeralind and learning from each other
- Playing in the backyard with the girls
- Ruthie bringing and staying for supper
- little girls showing off
- girls working on memorizing Psalm 23:1 and repeating “The Lord is my leopard.”
- Derek wrangling crazy crying girls
- Sedryn almost sleeping 5 hours even if the girls were up a few times that night
- Talking to Ruthie in my kitchen
- Ladies Bible Study
- Brunch
- Ruthie helping whe we discovered the stomach bug/acid poo diapers
- lying in bed with Aeralind holding my hand
- First nap for mommy in days
- Derek
- Derk’s physical help
- Derek encouragement
- Repentence
- B just wanting to snuggle
- Amber relating to twins at 2 + an infant
- one night feeding
- night out without kids
- Sedryn getting better at burping
- sister coming to visit
- watching crazy girls roll on a rug
- laughing hysteria at girls wearing (and loving) their first gag gift: Cow costumes
- Girls jumping into Kay Kay’s arms
- Silly girls getting their pillows and lying under brothers crib while I sort clothes
- A third set of hands during fussy hour
- Sedryn all dressed up in a little man shirt
- Just enough dinner
- girls coloring for 2 hours
- Aunt Kay Kay pedicures
- waking to a clock reading 3 for the FIRST night feeding
- not being woken again until 7
- Thrift shopping with my sister
- laughing when Aeralin sneezed pumpkin oatmeal all over the car after she tripped on me and got her first bloddy nose
- hymns to sing when I fall short
- Oh, to grace how great a debtor!
- Retrieving bare bottomed Bronwyn from her crib
- 1 motnh with a precious boy
- 1 month flying for the girl who doesn’t like newborn cryptic screaming
- breakfast out with the whole family
- A scarfing down dady’s blueberry pancakes
- morrning at Chanwey’s
- the blessing of her friendship
- exploring the Good Night Gorilla pictures with all 4 of our girls
- Sedryn enjoying snuggling with Chanwey
- HOw fascinated they are by crayons
- taping up a wall calendar
- relatively fuss free day
- snugglign with my men watching a movie
- little boy in a warm girl sleep sack
- coming ot the end of myself and recognizing once again my need for a Savior
- A Savior who knows my need and loves me in spite of it
- little girls playing in one crib with two blankets and Sedryn’s stethescope from the hospital
- Those long little boy eyelashes
- Keenly looking for all the things in Good Night Moon that the girls have the vocabulary for
- author who has the creativity to move a mouse and kittens in each page- even when it has nothing to do with the story
- playing outside in the tunnel before afternoon thunder showers
- Kind neighbors who take a shift with fussy Sedryn so I can get a break and one on one time with my girls
- teaching the girls scripture memory
- learning the verses with them
- little voices saying “Lord” long before I did
Nov
20
2011Sedryn turns 1 month today.
He is such an easy going little guy. He doesn’t usually mind when his sisters literally lie all over him. He hangs out in the bouncy seat without complaint. He hates having his diaper/clothes changed, gets impatient if his meal is late, and can shriek crazy loud if he has a gas bubble, but other than that nothing phases him. Well, except for the bath. He’s horrified of that whole idea… and I have a feeling that might just be part of having a boy :-p
But the most adorable thing about this boy (besides those daily growing chubbier cheeks) is just how much he loves to be warm and snuggled.
Little guy, I can’t wait to see your personality evolve over the next year.
Nov
09
2011My sister asked the above profound question. She doesn’t know the Lord Jesus. It was referenced toward a family we know where the couple seems miserable.
Apologetics aren’t my strong suit. I think I answered her incompletely. I figured I’d give it a second try and with more time for the thoughts to brew.
Sweet sister of mine, marriage is hard. When two selfish people move into the same space with all their expectations of what married life is going to be like… it’s a recipe for disaster.
In a way, it’s like siblings who share a room. At some point when nothing is going your way and you’re angry at your sister for talking on the phone for hours when you have a major test the next day and are so tired: you’re going to walk over and beat your sister on the head with the blasted telephone. (not that I would know anything about something like that…)
The difference with siblings is that we already sort of know each others personality and know how their going to react because we’ve lived with them since the younger one’s birth. That gives us the advantage at intentionally pushing each others buttons… but it also gives us the advantage of knowing how to avoid accidentally pushing those buttons.
In marriage, we don’t know those expectations. Some of them are silly. Derek expected me to rinse my toothpaste spit out of the sink with water when we got married. That was something that wasn’t expected of us when we were growing up, so I didn’t know to do it. We actually fought about toothpaste spit! I learned to clean up my mess because it bothered him; he learned that it was silly to expect me to clean up without telling me about that expectation.
So therein lies the problem: two selfish people who don’t know every expectation that their spouse has move under the same roof and sin in anger. That is what creates misery in marriage: selfish expectations. I think that’s probably the issue with the couple we talked about.
Miserable Christians like our example family are probably staying married because of expectations. Expectations from family and friends to stay married. Expectations and rules from the Bible to stay married. Expectations and fear of failure.
But that is not how Christian marriage should be.
You see, if we’re truly walking with the Spirit, then we should be dying to ourselves. Dying to our selfish expectations and learning to serve our spouses.
Remember when you were here, sweet sister, and I got so angry at Bronwyn while I was making dinner. I can’t even remember what she was doing. But I do remember that I was hungry and that I expected her to stay out of my way so I could satisfy my hunger. You know what happened after I yelled at her and you removed her from the room? The Spirit convicted me of my selfish sin. He pointed out that I had mistreated her and that I was failing to love and serve her because I wanted what I wanted now (food). I still remember apologizing to Bronwyn for my sin in your presence.
That above process is what makes Christians who love Jesus and are dying to ourselves daily, stay married. It’s called Sanctification: the process of being made to be more like Jesus. It’s hard. It’s humbling. It’s not commonly felt, seen, or practiced. And it’s especially hard to see since so many ‘Christians’ are simply following a set of rules/expectations rather than pursuing loving Jesus and others in every possible way.
Does that help you understand? I’m not trying to judge our question provoking couple, but I would say that they haven’t reached this place of humbling themselves to love their spouse on a daily basis despite their own selfish expectations. And I think that’s sad, because there’s a sweet joy found in humbling yourself within marriage that isn’t found anywhere else in life.
Nov
08
2011This boy has a big head (just like his daddy… ahem :-p)!
He couldn’t wear the newborn hats in the hospital.
I have exactly 3 hats that sort of fit him.
So when we ran out to Target with a gift card to spend, I looked to get him a hat.
Apparently hats at Target only come in two sizes: Newborn and 12-18 months.
Disappointing, but crafting inspiring.
Meet Sedryn’s new hat made from Daddy’s old shirt (with enough to make a few more) and a bit of ribbing. I used this free pattern from Sew Liberated.
Perfection.
And, oh my goodness! Is this boy getting chubby or what?! I might actually have a baby with rolls since the girls never did chunk out!
