I know I’m supposed to write about conquering a fear in the past.  And true, showing the God-Sized Dreamers (and you) this picture below of me in my “awkward” stage may have made me giggle about a fear or two in the past.

That’s me on the left… I won’t name my innocent sidekick… she knows who she is 🙂

But the truth is that today is one of those days that the fears are winning.

Today is a day filled with what ifs.  Filled with expectations too high and reality not meeting any of them.  I’m tired (baby in bed with me randomly last night), hormonal (can this week be done yet?), slightly frustrated, and have no clear view of the path ahead of me.  I’d say I’m pretty discouraged at the moment.

But God.

God leads me right here in this book that I facilitate discussion with on Tuesday evenings:

How can we tell whether our efforts at _______ (fill in the blank… although her book has words here) are motivated by reliance on God’s grace or on self trust?  How can we know whether we’re trying to obligate God or serve him in gratitude?  One way to judge is to consider your reaction when your _______ fail. If you are angry, frustrated, or despairing because you work so hard and they aren’t responding, then you’re working (at least in part) for the wrong reasons. Conversely, if you’re proud when ______  and you get those desired kudos–Oh! Your _____ are so good!–you should suspect your motives.  Both pride and despair grow in the self-reliant heart.

Elyse Fitzpatrick in Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus

So there you have it: my learning for today’s day of despair. My self-reliant heart is preventing me from receiving the extravagant grace He has for me in this very moment.

Check your heart.  Swim in His grace with me and then lets try again tomorrow.