Dear New Mom: 7 Things that Have Happened while Sleep Deprived

Dear New Mom. A blog series to make you laugh, help you feel a little less crazy, and encourage you in the early days of motherhood.

Click Here to Read the Rest of the Series

If Your Hands are Busy With Baby, Click Here and I’ll Read to You.

Dear New Mom,

Sometimes laughter is the best medicine.

However, I know it take a few days, weeks, or years before things are truly funny in retrospect.

So I will humiliate myself and allow you to laugh hard at my sleep deprived life with our twins.

You are not alone in the sleeplessness and the ridiculousness.

Laughing with you,


7 Things that Have Happened to me While Sleep Deprived

My mother in law opens a cabinet to get something for dinner. “Melissa, why are there two bottles of breast milk in here?”

I get up to walk to our bathroom. I slam my whole upper body into the wall next to the bathroom door. Dazed on the floor, I hear my laughing husband say, “I have never seen anyone walk sideways before. You were totally diagonal.”

While feeding the babies at 3 A.M, my husband says. “Oh, honey. I should help you out around the house. Maybe tomorrow I’ll mow the carpet.”

I reply without thinking: “Maybe tomorrow you could also vacuum the lawn.” We both laugh uncontrollably until about 4 A.M.

Imagine a wide receiver catching the ball just inside the end zone while falling flat on his face.

Now, put a baby in my hands and flight of five stairs at my feet.

Now imagine that it happened four times in a week with an audience each time.
(No children were harmed in the making of this memory by sheer grace. Mama’s knees, hips, and pride were always a bit sore.

I wake up to violent shoving. “Honey! Don’t roll into the baby! I brought her into bed while you were sleeping.” I rub the sleep out of my eyes and the place on my arm that is smarting. There is no baby in the bed.

I wake again to crying. “Derek, can you put Aeralind back in her bed and bring me Bronwyn to nurse now?”
“Melissa, there is no baby in our bed.”

I wake to a strange noise. Having installed a sound machine so I don’t wake to the twin’s sighs anymore, I can’t figure out what is going on. I roll over to find my husband hitting himself in the chest. “What are you doing?!

“Burping Bronwyn.”

Please comment below and let me know that my husband and I are not the only couple who have experienced an “Invisible Baby Saga”.