Dear New Mom, I’m totally going there…
Dear New Mama,
So this is the week you head in for that 6 week check up (or maybe that was a few weeks ago). You’re about to hear some words that are going to rock your sleep deprived world and I’m going there today to talk about these words (but not without a bit of fear).
“Okay. You are healing great. You’re cleared to be intimate with your husband again. Call me if you have any problems. You’re doing a great job and your baby is so sweet! Thanks for bringing him in for me to see again.”
And I know what you’re thinking. “What did you just say?! Didn’t that get me into problem in the first place? And really? SEX? I haven’t slept through the night in 6 weeks and what about the milk and the stitches and the….?”
Oh, Honey. I get how tired you are. And I’m not gonna lie and say that sex after baby and especially sex while lactating is normal or easy at first.
But here’s the deal: your husband is still looking at you with your weird bread dough feeling tummy and your swollen ginormous nursing chest and thinking he married the hottest woman on the face of the planet.
Do you hear that? He still thinks you’re hot.
I know how insecure you feel in this new mama skin. I know how you’re thinking about how you haven’t slept in months and what if baby starts crying during that intimate act?
In 18 years, your baby will go off to college and you may realize that you missed a few chances to nurture your relationship with the love of your life. He’s worth a little effort right now when you don’t feel okay with your body and you may not have a sex drive at all.
My challenge to you, new mama, sit down tonight and talk this out with your husband. Tell him:
- how you feel about your new body (and try with all your might to believe the words that he will say in response)
- how you were just cleared for sex
- what your sex drive is really like right now
- in what ways you need to him to be gentle with your body during intimate encounters
And then together make a plan to tackle these intimate issues. And don’t feel guilty when things aren’t working out. You guys are a team. And it’s going to take awhile for the team to figure out how to play this game again.
(I’ll admit it, there was a season in new motherhood where my husband and I scheduled sex. I made sure to take an extra long nap that day of the week. And he took care of the babies and heated a store bought pizza while I took a shower and transitioned from new mama to lover.)
Cheering you on as you make this transition,