Dear Mama,

I used to know the kind of mom I wanted to be.

• I used to want to be the kind of mom who always had homemade cookies for after school snack.
• The kind of mom who never yelled at her kids.
• The kind of mom whose kids never pitched a fit in public.
• The kind of mom whose children were smart, polite, and funny and whose behavior defined the kind of mom I was.

I think by now you can see that these “Kind of Mom I Want to Be” dreams were all before my twin girls rushed into my life in 2009.

I wanted my children’ts behavior and accomplishments to define me and give me meaning. And that’s not fair to them or fair to me. They are much more than walking trophies reflecting my value. They are valuable just because they exist. And I am much more than the sum of who they are becoming. I, too, have inherent value.

Mama, would you link arms with me and vow to be the kind of of mama who is kind?

• The kind of mama who kindly makes cookies when she can and says yes when the time is right.
• The kind of mama who kindly forgives herself for yelling.
• The kind of mama who kindly has patience with her little people growing into the best versions of themselves.
• The kind of mama who kindly reminds herself that her children’s behavior doesn’t define her.

The kind of mama who is kind to other mamas and sees them as real vulnerable people who are not defined by their children’s behavior or accomplishments. The kind of mama who invests in other mamas and reminds her mama friends that they have inherent value.

I’m not sure that I will ever quite be the kind of mama that I dreamed I would be. And that’s okay.

But I am becoming a kinder mama who whispers to that mama whose child is pitching a fit in Target: “Hang in there, mama. You’re doing the right thing for your child. I’m proud of you.”

Join me in being kind encouragers of one another?

Melissa