Aug
16
2011Going from a couple to a family with two crazy newborns is an incredibly stressful event. Not to mention the chaos that the twins produce only gradually slows down over the course of the first year. I wrote this article for my local Moms of Multiples club and thought it was high time to share it here!
Derek and I by no means have a perfect marriage. There’s always a rough spot, but in the early days (months) I think these 7 things saved our marriage from real trouble. Actually… some of them we need to get back into doing more often! I hope they’ll help you out too.
7 Things you can do to Protect your Marriage
Value your Marriage above your Multiples.
Caring for multiples (or any children) can be all consuming, especially for the wife. The temptation to pour your life into these babies can force your marriage to the back burner. Your babies will be in your home for about 18 years, that’s a short time that we need to utilize. However, your marriage could last beyond those 18 years if you invest as much in it as you invest in your kiddos. And as an added bonus, kids raised in families where the relationship between mom and dad is obviously valued feel more secure.
Caring for multiples (or any children) can be all consuming, especially for the wife. The temptation to pour your life into these babies can force your marriage to the back burner. Your babies will be in your home for about 18 years, that’s a short time that we need to utilize. However, your marriage could last beyond those 18 years if you invest as much in it as you invest in your kiddos. And as an added bonus, kids raised in families where the relationship between mom and dad is obviously valued feel more secure.
Make Date Night (or Morning) a Priority.
In those early months after the multiples arrive, we’re tempted to just go to bed early and neglect everything else. But a marriage is too important to neglect. Date night can be simple and inexpensive. Some examples:
a. While your mom or mother in law visits and sleeps in and the babies are back in bed after an early morning feeding, sneak out to Starbucks or IHOP.
b. Turn off the TV and play a game (cards, Scrabble, Sorry, even Candy Land). You’ll be surprised how great the conversation can be.
c. Snuggle up together on the couch and watch NCIS (or your favorite show).
d. Spend first nap on Saturday morning cooking up 4 large meals (one casserole in the oven, one in the crock pot, one pot of soup, and something for dinner that night). This gives you some time to talk and hang out as well takes care of the age old question “What’s for dinner?” You’ll also have extra energy in the evenings because you can just defrost and heat dinner.
3.
Extend Mercy.
When he makes a comment that gets under your skin, try to look at it from his point of view before letting your feelings get hurt. You’re both exhausted from night feedings and hypersensitive. Give each other the benefit of the doubt.
Extend Mercy.
When he makes a comment that gets under your skin, try to look at it from his point of view before letting your feelings get hurt. You’re both exhausted from night feedings and hypersensitive. Give each other the benefit of the doubt.
4.
Schedule Sex.
Let’s face it: women aren’t very interested in sex after the babies arrive, at least for a season. It’s so hard to turn around from tired mom who didn’t even get a chance to shower that day to sexy vixen in the bedroom that night. Scheduling sex might not seem romantic, but it’s incredibly freeing for both husband and wife. He knows that he has something to look forward to and might even surprise you by being extra helpful on sex night or throughout the week (does the dishes without being asked so you can get a shower, etc.). You’ll be able to mentally shift from mom to vixen and plan to get that shower at least one day a week. And even if you both fall asleep before you’ve finished, your marriage will benefit. 😉
Schedule Sex.
Let’s face it: women aren’t very interested in sex after the babies arrive, at least for a season. It’s so hard to turn around from tired mom who didn’t even get a chance to shower that day to sexy vixen in the bedroom that night. Scheduling sex might not seem romantic, but it’s incredibly freeing for both husband and wife. He knows that he has something to look forward to and might even surprise you by being extra helpful on sex night or throughout the week (does the dishes without being asked so you can get a shower, etc.). You’ll be able to mentally shift from mom to vixen and plan to get that shower at least one day a week. And even if you both fall asleep before you’ve finished, your marriage will benefit. 😉
5.
Don’t be a control freak.
You’ve been bathing the kiddos the same way for 3 months and hubby walks in to relieve you from the chore. He forgets to wash behind their ears, puts them in a daytime diaper instead of the nighttime variety, and accidently puts your boy in his twin sisters’ PJs. Or he tidies up the play room and you can’t find anything for days. As mom’s we’re tempted to think that our way is best. We try to train our husbands to do what we do exactly the way we do it. And every time we say, “Honey, haven’t I told you before that you need to…” He feels disrespected. He feels like you don’t appreciate what he’s trying to do. Give dad the freedom to develop his own way of doing things and thank him for doing it. I promise he’ll help out more and you’ll be less stressed out.
Don’t be a control freak.
You’ve been bathing the kiddos the same way for 3 months and hubby walks in to relieve you from the chore. He forgets to wash behind their ears, puts them in a daytime diaper instead of the nighttime variety, and accidently puts your boy in his twin sisters’ PJs. Or he tidies up the play room and you can’t find anything for days. As mom’s we’re tempted to think that our way is best. We try to train our husbands to do what we do exactly the way we do it. And every time we say, “Honey, haven’t I told you before that you need to…” He feels disrespected. He feels like you don’t appreciate what he’s trying to do. Give dad the freedom to develop his own way of doing things and thank him for doing it. I promise he’ll help out more and you’ll be less stressed out.
6.
Touch one another each day.
Hug each other. Kiss good-bye. Snuggle in bed. Touch is so powerful: you know this from picking up the baby that instantly stops screaming. It’s the same with spouses. Loving touch changes perspective.
Touch one another each day.
Hug each other. Kiss good-bye. Snuggle in bed. Touch is so powerful: you know this from picking up the baby that instantly stops screaming. It’s the same with spouses. Loving touch changes perspective.
7.
Say Thank You.
Gratitude is powerful. When your husband gets up and does a night feeding without you, when he takes out the garbage before you ask, when he goes to work at a job he hates everyday to support you, when he calls you beautiful even with your crazy postpartum body, simply say thank you. Gratitude not only encourages and affirms your spouse, but it also changes your own perspective. It’s impossible to feel anger or fear at the same time as expressing gratitude. So when he drowns your Cactus Garden, say “Thank you for noticing my plants needed watering.” Your anger level will reduce. After all most of what we fight over is just stuff, it’s not that important. But bolstering your husbands’ heart is that important.
Say Thank You.
Gratitude is powerful. When your husband gets up and does a night feeding without you, when he takes out the garbage before you ask, when he goes to work at a job he hates everyday to support you, when he calls you beautiful even with your crazy postpartum body, simply say thank you. Gratitude not only encourages and affirms your spouse, but it also changes your own perspective. It’s impossible to feel anger or fear at the same time as expressing gratitude. So when he drowns your Cactus Garden, say “Thank you for noticing my plants needed watering.” Your anger level will reduce. After all most of what we fight over is just stuff, it’s not that important. But bolstering your husbands’ heart is that important.
Aug
15
2011One evening last week I opened the back door to two things. A Palmetto Bug (think: the world’s largest cockroach) and a perfectly woven tiny little nest.
The bug didn’t last 45 seconds.
Then nest is still sitting in my kitchen, quietly bearing witness to the beauty that God weaves daily.
This week thing are finally starting to come together in our spare-junk-room to be turned into a nursery. At almost 8 months pregnant, I’m finally beginning to nest. The excitement of creating this room is almost too much for me to fall asleep some nights.
This morning it strikes me: can you imagine the joy God gets out of creating the world anew each day as a space for His children if I’m getting so much joy from painting and sewing pillows and putting together a crib?
I slap yellow paint on walls and stroke grey gently on a dresser and each second I’m more excited about this new little person to love.
Can you fathom the love in each sunrise and sunset, perfectly painted gifts from above?
Counting #2151-2181 of the breathtaking things He creates for me each day.
- 23 Months with Sweet girls
- Laughter between crib rails as I tickl toes
- Finally a dresser from Craigslist!
- Immediate response for my Queen mattress and bookshelves.
- The prospect of finally having enough space in the nursery to be to paint!
- Curtain panels cut
- Becca watching the girls (and taking them to the pool: brave lady!) while I had a long OB appointement
- Quiet long hours at the OB sewing felt food
- Phone call from Julia telling me she was praying for me
- Watching “Mighty Machines” in Brady’s bed (Becca’s son) and his sweet snuggles
- Tickle fights with Brady
- Bronwyn super excited about the “gucks” and “gars” and “ah pane!” in Brady’s room
- Quiet morning at the park
- Carseats on sale provide for by my generous parents
- The spanking spoon
- Toddler words I can understand
- “Psycho Baby” rolling, twisting, kicking, and generally going nuts inside of me!
- Girls eating chunks of raw squash that I’d hallowed out to stuff
- Baked Apples
- Fun at Roper Mt.
- Girls ‘bocking’ at the chickens
- Crowing at the rooster
- Derek picking me a bouquet of “weeds” he was digging out of the corn
- Little girls curled up on a genuine rope strung feather bd
- Watching them tuck each other in and giggle
- Walking through the heirloom garden “melling” flowers and sampling herbs
- first coat of nursery paint finished
- drawer fronts primed and painted
- Pumpking doughnuts baked
- Perfect little bird’s nest right outside my back door
- unexpected overtime
- Watching a movie and snuggling at the end of a long weekend
Aug
13
2011As mama’s I know we each search the internet for things a lot. On any given day (like maybe yesterday) my internet searches might be all of the following:
“How much language should a 2 year old have?”
“Newborn photography bed prop tutorial”
“Ana White Loft Bed plans”
“How to remove wood glue”
“Dry brushing furniture”
“Eggplant Parmesan”
“Bolster pillow tutorial”
I have a confession: I earn money just for searching the web.
How? By using SwagBucks as my search engine.
Another secret: You can join me. Click the banner below and sign up.
Now I’m not compulsive about grabbing Swag. There are tons of other ways to win besides just searching (surveys, videos, searching for the codes, going through SwagBucks to buy things at your favorite stores, etc). I’m just a searcher and referrer to the program, but I promise that over the last two years I’ve earned the equivalent of about $250 worth of free stuff just for doing that little bit!
I redeem all of my SwagBucks for $5 Amazon gift cards and the occasional Restaurant.com gift card. Since I started participating I’ve gotten the following with my loot:
- 3 $25 Restaurant.com gift cards (Hello, date night!)
- Spent a total of only $40 on my Instep Safari Double Jogging Stroller after selling 2 strollers that didn’t work for me and applying tons of Amazon gift cards.
- Completed a HUGE book order with Amazon Cards (including One Thousand Gifts
, Building the Christian Family you Never Had
, Sacred Sex
, and Radical
)
- Bought my pretty Owl Fabric, ZigZag Curtain Fabric
, and Mamma Birds Fabric
for the new one’s nursery.
- I’m sure I’m missing at least one Amazon purchase… because I don’t remember the early days with the girls much… and I know I found SwagBucks right around their birth 😉
In conclusion: if you’re a mama who uses a search engine, you should be using SwagBucks. You’ll thank me when you buy something you totally wanted but couldn’t justify buying without spending anything at all. 😉
Aug
09
2011Last January we decided to participate in Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) for half of a growing season. A CSA is a group of people who buy a “share” in a local farm. We pay the farmer upfront and he grows his crops. In return, we get a weekly share of the produce (or eggs and meat). I’ve loved the concept since I first heard about it. I love knowing I’m supporting a local farmer and that my food is fresh and hasn’t traveled half the country (or internationally) to arrive on my dinner plate. I love the fact that when the girls are older we can go visit our farm and see our food growing.
However, I was totally unprepared for the cooking inspiration that comes with having all my vegetables picked out for me! Planning meals around my full bag of veggies was so much fun last week. I can’t wait to see what Derek brings home tonight 🙂
Here’s what was in my bag from Greenbrier Farms:
- 1 homemade ball of pizza dough
- 3 eggplant (one huge, 2 skinny)
- 6 Zephyr summer Squash
- 1 pint assorted heirloom cherry tomatoes
- 5 giant heirloom tomatoes
- 6 potatoes
- 2 green bell peppers
- about 2 pints of okra
And here’s what we ate for dinner (I’m no food photographer… and I missed an entire meal):
Night 1:
Roasted Potatoes and Okra with Baked Chicken
Lunch Day 2:
A Salad for Mommy and handfuls of tomatoes for the girls
(who complained when the tomatoes were all gone!)
(who complained when the tomatoes were all gone!)
Night 2:
Appetizer Night!
 |
| From the Top: Eggplant Dip with Crostini, Tomatoes and Fresh Mozarella, Spinach Dip Bread Bowls (with the Pizza Crust), Bacon |
 |
| Eggplant Dip- Soo Good! |
 |
| My Dad always makes tomatoes this way with homemade dressing every Labor Day 🙂 |
Night 3:
Squash and Potato Cheesy Casserole with Chicken Nuggets (for the girls only)
(Ahem. Missing picture)
Night 4:
Eggplant Parmesan
 |
| Awesome Fork Technique: This stuff disappeared! I’m hoping for more eggplant in this week’s share. |
Night 5:
Assorted Leftovers
(no picture needed)
Night 6:
Salmon and Rice with Cheesy Spinach Stuffed Squash
Night 7:
Chicken, Bacon, Cheddar, Bell Pepper, and Ranch Wraps with Green Beans
(not made yet… maybe I’ll sneak a picture in later this evening)
(All of the recipes that I used or modified for this week can be found on my CSA Pinterest Board. I’ll add whatever else I cook up with notes as the summer progresses.)
Aug
08
2011
If we admit it, there are days when even sitting through the best sermon is drudgery. Where our minds can’t connect what we’re hearing to our hearts, whether it’s from distraction, stubbornness, or just sin.
Yesterday was one of those days where distraction and sin tried to make a good sermon drudgery rather than a two-edge sword to pierce my heart.
The Holy Spirit eventually won out.
The passage was short and one I had often looked over: James 1:26-27
If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue be deceives his own heart, this man’s religion is worthless. Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world.
Oh, how I have deceived my heart! How I have seen myself as pious, but turned and whipped my husband with words that do nothing to build up his heart. Or I have sat and read the Word, and then lost my temper with a whining toddler. Or I have quietly stayed home when I could have been forging relationships with those who need grace most.
May the truth of this word continue to pierce me through.
Counting #2129-2150 of the good and perfect gifts He continues to give me in love
- Rainer cherries on super sale- sooo good
- Publix frozen chocolate yogurt
- Nighttime cards with Derek
- First ay to pick up my CSA share
- Unexpected pizza dough and peppers 🙂
- Praying for the girls before naps
- Toddler girls crawling into each others laps to comfort the crying sister whose hair is being combed
- Time to cook a few meals while the oven was hot
- Discovering the mouse in the closet
- Discovering the one thing Bronwyn might be scared of: mice!
- Derek and I working until bedtime on kitchen and closet clean-up
- Picking beauty from my front yard
- Feeding cottage cheese to the girls
- Appetizer dinner night (yum yum!)
- Derek graciously letting me take a nap
- Derek making banana bread out of smashed bananas the girls pulled off the counter (when did they get that tall?!) Best banana bread ever!
- Two CSA-inspired vegetarian dinners. Oh my, eggplant Parmesan is so good! Recipe that I basically followed here (I breaded and baked first rather than grilling).
- $1 thrifted flannel crib sheets made into PJ sets for the girls.
- Trying my hand at making a pattern even if they ended up as PJs
- Listening to a challenging message
- Attempting to apply
- Freedom to pray for wisdom whenever I need it
