Sep
13
2012A & B love to watch the picture slideshow screen savers and ask questions about their life. The other day pictures of the snow from 2010 came up. They asked what they were doing. I explained (as best as I could to almost 3 year olds) what snow was.
Daddy came home that night and when he asked the girls what they wanted to do after baby went to bed she demanded:
“I want to play in the snow.”
Um…. how were we supposed to give her that?
So I grabbed a bar of Ivory soap and did an awesome science experiment that I’ve seen in a couple of places. I threw it in the microwave for 2 minutes and blew it up. Because Ivory is the only soap with air pumped into it, the stuff expanded to nearly fill my microwave.
I split up the powdery stuff and let them play on a baking sheet for as long as they wanted. Bronwyn couldn’t keep her hands out of the stuff!
After about 45 minutes of play, I added a few drops of food coloring to piles of soap and let Bronwyn stir in some water to make bath paint. 45 minutes later, two very soggy girls emerged from their very clean bath tub.
We’re totally doing this again!
Sep
11
20123 years (and 36 weeks). It seems too short to have known you. Too short to fully love your quirky selves. Too short to feel your little bodies pressed tightly up against mine. Not enough time to stroke that hay blond hair or chase you as you shriek joy.
Aeralind and Bronwyn, I’m not sure if our lives would be full enough without you. Nearly everyday your daddy and I just bust out laughing at one thing or another and whispering, “It would have been so boring with just one.”
Aeralind Grace
There are moments in each day where you get on such a talking spurt that I can hardly keep up with you. You’ll tell me about rain or about how joeys ride in momma kangaroo’s pouch or how your sister is doing something you don’t think to be right or how you want to do this or that. It’s some of the sweetest time with you, if I sit and listen when you get on a talking spree.
But most of the time, you are quiet. Resolute. Purposeful about doing the thing you have set before you. Like laying out your comforter perfectly as you make your bed. Or reading a full book. Or stacking things just so high.
You struggle mightily with lying. Sometimes in a manipulative way. Sometimes in a “I don’t want to face the consequences” way. Sometimes just because. You’re beginning to grow in that area, but it’s an everyday battle for you.
You laugh with your whole face. You are easily embarrassed or frustrated when you think you should be able to do something the right way. You love to wear mismatched clothing. And tights. But no shoes. You snuggle on your own terms… but they are mighty fierce snuggles when they occur. You’re enjoying learning to sing and are constantly singing little songs about alligators and Zaccheus and Pete the Cat. I hope to enjoy your quirkiness even more over the next year.
Bronwyn Hope
You love to create. With stamps or playdoh or imagination or stuffed animals. You will create and imagine little worlds and invite us all to play in them. I really love drawing with you. Or exploring new art with you.
You are a ball of energy. When someone shows up to play at your house, you pretend to be shy while at the same time running crazily about showing off in whatever way you can. You love to be chased (except when you’re scared… you hate to be scared). You love to climb things. To jump. To twirl. To play Simon Says.
You struggle with obeying right away. Not because you don’t want to obey. No, your struggle right now is stopping what you are doing to obey right away. You want to obey… but after you finish a book or after you fold everything just so or after I do… You’re making some improvements. I have to lay out my hands and ask you to put your hands on mine. Once your hands aren’t busy, you hear and obey better.
You wear every emotion on your face. Sometimes I shoot water out of my nose while drinking and watching your crazy expressions. It’s all there. All the time. There is no doubt of how you feel: excited, confused, scared, joyful, apprehensive, sugar high… you have a face for it all. I hope you remain tender and unveiled.
Sep
10
2012It’s been almost a month since I’ve been able to post a Multitude Monday post. It’s mostly been because my Sunday night writing has been interrupted by the life of two night potty training toddlers. I have been recording gifts! I just haven’t had a moment to type them up and share them with you. So here they are!
4459-4502 reason to say “Thank you!” to my maker
- Catching Aeralind with hands over eyes after stealing some food from Sedryn’s tray. “If I can’t see you, momma, then you can’t see me.”
- Quilt design board made
- How Aerie always takes apart my rotary cutter when I’m not looking
- How Sedryn grabs at my pant leg while I’m cooking so I’ll smile and laugh at him
- Sleeping in
- Bronwyn’s crazy laugh
- Sedryn following me around with little adoring smiles
- Inviting ourselves to Nana’s farm
- How the girls’ tell daddy- unprompted- how they would like to bring a kitty home
- How the girls are trustworthy enough that I can send them outside alone with firm boundaries
- Nana’s joy at the girls playing with her toys
- Girls snuggling up to Nana with a Pooh book
- Nana saying “This is the most disjointed story I have read in a long time.” about Pooh
- Talking about home school. Her encouragement that I could do it well if I chose.
- Nana’s tearful wish for a student at her little desk
- Such wonderful hugs
- Laughter about how everything fell into chaos at one time- ant bites, messes, Sedryn cracking open an egg, hunger, Sedryn heading for a fan
- How somehow during the chaos we managed not to burn the cookies
- 3 beautiful children sleeping on the way home
- Lydia and Sedryn playing so sweetly and ignoring the girls
- Tamara’s visit
- Danielle and Jessica- how they so relate with laughter
- ballgown finsihed
- Fabric for dresses laid out
- Quilt on the design board
- Chanwey coming
- Kevin’s steadfastness in arriving at the pool so I can’t slack off
- Two blond head snuggled up to me as I’m sensitive to their need for space from their cousin
- Long talk after intense tantrum with Mariana over selfishness and how to love others with space and actions
- Stretching me to hear her needs and balance my girls
- Two blondies in a bubble bath processing their cousin’s visit through play
- Praying hard to plant seeds
- Grace not to yell even when she yells at me
- Knowing where her heart is
- 2nd or 3rd physical journal filled with gratitude to the maker of it all
- My husband making everything possible and holding me when it is hard
- The way Mariana started asking before unbuckling Sedryn
- Karen coming to the rescue with her van
- Two little girls reading stories with me at wake up- soaking in having me to themselves
- Good conversations with Sarah on growing Mariana
- Prayers for us to plant seeds
- Bronwyn’s exuberant reply to “Who loves you?” with “Ben & Jay!” when she normally says daddy
- Sedryn clapping his face for laughs
- Naptime
- A couple good nights sleep
- The prayer jar
- My own growth
- Aerie’s grumpiness after nap
- Quiet evening with my girils while Derek takes Mariana to the pool
- Unprompted “I love you!” from my sweet Aerie
- Lost purse resulting in a good bit of laughter filled quiet time with Karen
- Playing dollies with two beautiful girls
- Bronwyn requesting “Rosies”
- The way Sedryn must play with his feet (preferably on my bare skin) while nursing
- Roaring and laughing and chasing all three around the room
- Most fun 3 year old birthday party ever
- Generosity of Becca letting us play in her yard
- The magic of Daylin helping and playing pin the tail on Eeyore for the first time
- Brady and Derek and Daniel having a water fight
- Girls new room half painted
- Bronwyn requesting snow after seeing her baby photo of her playing in the snow
- Blowing up Ivory in the microwave to make it happen
- How Bronwyn played with the ivory flakes for a long time and helps me make bath paint
- Girls tucked on the couch with owl towels
- Feeding Daddy popcorn
- Open mouth kiss from Sedryn–> right on my nose
- Taking the girls dancing and watching them squeal as they ran around the dancers
- Leading a table at Mops- excited to get to know these girls
- Little girls laughing as one of their dolls from their dollhouse directed them on where to put their furniture
Sep
06
2012I’ve had quite a few opportunities to sneak some writing this week. Longer than usual nights… longer than usual naps. I guess that’s a lose-win. But I’ll take it.
The following is a little piece I wrote for my MOPs newsletter. I took the plunge today and lead a discussion group at MOPs and I can’t wait to see the change God enacts in the hearts of these ladies over the year.
However, I want you to know that being in charge of anything sort of overwhelms me in a number of ways. Did I do enough? Was I too much? Did I hurt someone’s feelings when I teased them about separating them? Did we do the important work of digging into relationships?
I just know this is a position that God has called me to during this season. So I’ll just hang on to his hand and see where he leads. And maybe just take my own advice….
I needed to wring the sweat out of my shirt when I walked back to the car. If you’d seen me, you’d have thought I had just finished a marathon. Yet all I had done was ask an acquaintance at my table to go to the zoo with me. She’d volunteered to take anyone who wanted to go on her free pass nearly a month before. A month I spent working up the courage to ask her on a “mom date” to the zoo. I agonized through the next 4 days before our date about what it would be like. Would she question or judge my parenting decisions? Would she like me? Would she ever talk to me again?
Nearly two years later I can look back and laugh at myself. That woman is now counted among my closest friends. Yet those feelings of fear still plague me daily in all of my relationships. Will my husband, my kids, my friends, my parents, or whoever still like me after I share my heart? I feel relationally-paralyzed by fear of inadequacy. I have a feeling this fear isn’t unique to me.
In my journey to overcome this fear, I stumble on this truth. “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment and whomever fears has not been perfected in love.” (1 John 4:18) I inhale sharply. Am I afraid of relationships because I have an identity crisis? Who am I after all? Perhaps I’m asking the wrong question. Maybe I should ask: Whose am I?
I am the beloved daughter of the most high King. And if I am loved by the One who took the punishment that I deserved for my inadequacy, then what can I fear?
As we plunge into the next year at MOPS, let’s all do a few things to help each other overcome our fear-based relational paralysis.
1. Let us remind each other (and ourselves) who we are in Christ. We are loved beyond reason no matter what we do or don’t do. Preach that truth to everyone who expresses anxiety, or hurt, or pain, or fear, or doubt. Christ’s perfect love is the only thing that can keep us diving into the uncharted places with confident hope.
2. Let your words be a safe harbor rather than a rocky shore. Seek to understand more than you seek to share your views. Early mothering is filled with strong opinions about what is “right”: co-sleeping vs. cry-it-out, breastfeeding vs. bottlefeeding, physical discipline vs. time-out… the list just goes on and on! It’s okay to have an opinion, but it’s not okay to preach your opinion as if it’s the only right way. This type of conversation breeds guilt or a feeling of failure in the listener. Ask questions to understand, use your words to build up, and share your strong opinions gently.
3. Let love cover a multitude of sins. So often we hurt each other unintentionally with a careless word. That hurt festers into a bitterness that can tear down the relationship (I think most marriages fail from this in a snowball effect). Assume that your friend didn’t mean to hurt you, but go one step further and share your hurt with your friend. Being free to say “When you said… I felt hurt because….” brings a relationship to a whole new level. Acknowledging our grievances with our friends frees us from the chains of bitterness and shows our friends that we value the relationship enough to share our deepest places of hurt.
Plunging into the uncharted waters of relationships isn’t easy to do without fear, but if we anchor ourselves on our identity in Christ and love deeply the risk is far less than the rewards.
