Dec
24
2012
“Girls, please stop fighting over the cabbage!”
followed by
“Don’t throw the cabbage either.”
Dec
21
2012
A Different Type of Story
When I photograph families or children, I try to tell you the beautiful stories. The funny ones. The silly moments. The laughter. The pure joy.
But pure joy it has two sides: the crazy-beautiful (those I can’t believe this joy actually happened to me moments) and the ugly-beautiful. There is a word in English for the crazy-beautiful joy- miracle. But in English there is no words to encapsulate the ugly-beautiful.
And yet the ugly-beautiful is the climax of all the best stories every told. The moment you realize that Old Dan and Little Anne aren’t going to make it after they battle a mountain lion to protect Billy in Where the Red Fern Grows. The moment where Despereaux goes back down to the dungeon to save the one he loves even though the odds are stacked against him. The moment you realize Charlotte has spun her last web and Wilbur won’t have her anymore. That split second where Frodo pus on the Ring of Power right there inside of Mount Doom and all of Middle Earth is hanging in the balance. The moment they roll the stone in front of Jesus’ tomb on a dark Friday afternoon.
My friend Karen (above!) and her husband Shamus’s story is full of this ugly-beautiful. And I feel like it needs to be told even in my 3rd person voice so that it may speak directly to the heart of one of my readers. Bear with me in the telling because no matter how ugly-beautiful things become know that joy is coming.
Karen and Shamus’s Ugly-Beautiful Story
On August 5th, 2010 I was driving to some play date grossly pregnant with Sedryn and just hoping to wear my 2 two year olds out so I could take a nap. My phone rang. I still remember Karen’s voice. “Melissa, I lost Baby #3… they can’t do the D & C until tomorrow. I don’t need to be alone… can I come over?” Karen and I were just mere acquaintances at this time, and to this day, I still regret not driving home and having her over. Oh, but Karen, she took refuge in a God who gave far more comfort than I ever could.
This song gave Karen so much comfort, and you can read more of her faithful reaction to this miscarriage here.
Karen’s and my lives intersected more deeply later when I was sleepless and exhausted with a very sinful attitude toward my own baby #3 and she drew me into her small group. She loved me when I was pretty hard to love and struggling with sin that she may have wished she’d still have the opportunity to struggle with. She challenges me weekly on following Christ in very practical ways. She actually called me in the middle of writing this post to reflect to me a behavior that I need some growth in (ouch and Amen!).
Karen and Shamus’s arms were empty on March 1, 2012, the last possible day that Baby #3 could have been born. And on that same day Karen, penned these tear drenched words.
On Thursday, December 4, 2008, God gave us Jay. On Friday, May 7, 2010, God gave us Ben. Two miracles. On Thursday, March 1, 2012, God gave me rest, fellowship, wisdom, laughter, entertainment, His Word, order, romance, and peace. What would you call those things?
When I cry about losing our precious daughter, I remember who God is. I remember that He is holding her along with the rest of His children. When I cry, I cry on God’s shoulder. That is called Comfort. You might have had comfort before. But you can’t have Comfort unless you have Christ. And I have Him. So I have everything.
Comfort from your Creator: that’s also a miracle.
Content in All Things?
On Sunday, May 6 our whole shepherding group was seated together at our annual outdoor service. The kids were elbow deep in play dough or sidewalk chalk when Karen pulled me aside to whisper that Baby #4 was on the way. Our hearts all left that worship service full in so many ways.
Two days later Baby #4 was in the arms of Jesus. This time I was privileged to hold my friend while she wept. But even more so, I was able to watch in awe as this second miscarriage transformed Karen and Shamus even more. Watching Karen and Shamus vulnerably process their grief in light of the Cross of Jesus is truly one of the biggest miracles I have ever experienced. It’s mostly impossible for me to summarize their transformation… so I’ll just once again quote Karen.
MONDAY, MAY 7, 2012
I wrote this journal entry:
I truly want to love Baby #4. But I’m too afraid to commit. Last time I committed with my whole heart and when Baby #3 died my heart crumbled. Can I handle that again? YES! Of course I can, because I know what it is to be pregnant and I know what it is to miscarry and I know what it is to have life with my child and I know what it is to have life without my child- I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation; whether listening to my child sing scripture or digging a grave for my lost baby…
I can’t finish that statement the way Paul does. I want to so badly. And that makes my body shake with weeping.
SUNDAY, MAY 13, 2012Mother’s Day
Peter preached on Philippians 4:4-7
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
These verses are just before Paul says this:
Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
(Philippians 4:11-13 ESV)
That’s the secret I wanted to say I knew last week. And I couldn’t.MONDAY, MAY 14, 2012
If we miscarry again, we can rejoice. Which is not the same as being happy. We can rejoice in the midst of deep sadness.
Can I say that I am content in any and every situation? I can say that Christ died for my sins and I am redeemed and reborn and growing to be like Him and saved from eternal punishment, no matter what my situation. And that brings joy every time I say it.
Every good and perfect gift is from above. A child is a good and perfect gift. If God puts another child in my womb, it will be like Christmas morning when you’re 7 years old! A gift! The one we wanted most!
We know that we will struggle with anxiety and fear apart from a particular miracle. But we will refuse to struggle with love.
Karen has a hat for each of her four children.
Soon she’ll need another one.
And Shamus and Karen are anticipating the birth of Zan with so much joyful hope, but only by the grace of God. For through their suffering, they have learned the secret of being content. Not the secret of happiness, but the one of joy. Joy in a God who gives the greatest gift, His Son.
Karen’s Lifestyle Maternity Photography Session
Now I’ll just let you feast your eyes on the fun we had at the Cronin’s lifestyle maternity photography session. I love these two!
Dec
19
2012So many fun things have been happening over here that I’ve hardly had time to blog them all. In addition to that, I’ve had two sessions in less than 9 days which is a work load I try to avoid. Blogging has been low on my priority list with the top being romping in the 70 degree weather my crazy kiddos. So here’s a wham-bam visual tour of what we’ve been up to in the past few weeks.
Snow paint Snowflakes!
Egg Carton Painting. I had little to do with this. Since making them an organizer for their craft supplies, the girls have come up with many new art endeavors. This is their favorite. They steal all egg cartons from my recycling bin. Rarely a day goes by without paint touching one of these egg cartons!
Seeing the Nutcracker (they were spellbound for the beginning half- second half was less entertaining for them).
Gingerbread cookies! Sweetened with honey, molasses, and maple syrup these are super tasty!
Playing with random hardware. I love this toy we made Sedryn (the girls do too)! I can’t believe he’s joining in on toddler activities… but he’s still not toddling.
Dec
16
2012
Why, yes, that is my Bronwyn climbing up there on the bars of the Monkey Bars! No, of course I don’t know how she got up there. I was too busy keeping Sedryn from belly flopping off the kiddie playset or eating fistfuls of mulch. Oops… Cracked me up though!
Dec
15
2012
The Sugar Plum Fairy is being lifted dramatically into the air when she looks at me bright-eyed.
“I want to do that. I will practice hard.” This little 5 year old, whom I barely know, she bares her soul at this display of God-glory on stage before us. A dream is born. And I, who know so little about this child, am entrusted with a God-sized dream. Maybe just a dream for her child-heart and, yet, maybe one she will be called to complete.
I tell her she could do it with God’s help and I lift the camera from my lap to freeze the Sugar Plum Fairy mid-air without the aid of a flash.
* * *
In the car on the way over, while my daughters sucked thumbs in the back seat, she had told me all about how the boy dancers lift the girl dancers so high up. She told me how scary that was.
“But when I am a grown up ballerina, I won’t be scared. I will be brave.”
“Sweet girl, being brave doesn’t mean you aren’t scared. Being brave means you do it even though you’re scared.” I tell her in return. She shrugs my comment off saying she truly meant she wouldn’t be scared.
Yet hours later, balled up on my bed with the stomach flu, I can’t shrug it off.
Being brave means you do what God calls you to do, even though you’re scared.
* * *
Little girl dreams, like the one she shared with me, have never left my heart. Those rolls of film spent and the ink spot permanently smeared on my fingers, they’ve left indelible marks on my heart. The desire to create is sometimes overwhelming. A week ago I was asked to sum up this desire in two words by a fellow God-sized dreamer. The words came immediately. I am called to “Capture Joy”, to reflect that joy back to the One who gives all gifts.
So I pick up a pen, curled under a blanket with my body so weak with temporary pain I can hardly stand, and I do just that:
Capture the joy of a little girl’s childhood dream and the bravery of this one woman being called to pursue her dream even though she’s scared.
